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Further rants: Gym Peeves

with 9 comments

The foul mood hasn’t let up and this time, ire is directed towards people I call ‘gym-brats’ ie gym users who fail to grasp the concept that the gym is a public, shared used space. The following are some categories of offenders according to me [1] and my message to them; feel free to add your own:

1. The Wanderers: Those who keep a bench occupied in-between sets while they, (a) leisurely drink water, (b) exchange high-fives with friends, (c) check out the opposite sex, (d) make plans for Friday nights, (e) indulge in other such random social activities best carried out in their dorm hallways, and the worst offenders, (e) sneak in a workout on another machine, or weights. I agree that you need a certain amount of rest in-between sets, but don’t try to cram in your daily social schedule when others are waiting to use the bench.

2. The Wanderers 2: Different from the first category in that these people view the gym solely as a place for social hang-out rather than a place for exercising and training. Usually also the trendiest in their dress – nothing short of the top-branded (Nike, Reebok) gym-apparels.

3. The Grunters: Those who feel the need to employ guttural (sometimes even orgasmic) sounds to enhance their weight training experience. Dudes (yeah, not being discriminatory here, but its always a dude), we get it – you can lift superhuman amount of weight and it is probably some kind of a fight unto death between you and the machine or free-weights; or something. However, audible updates on the progress of your battle, we can very well do without. 

4. The Loud Thudders: Those who, once done with a set, drop heavy weights to the ground causing a loud thud. Usually indulged in The Grunters. Either lift weights that you can place down gently – or have a spotter with you to help. Do not drop a pair of 100lb dumbbells from few feet in the air when you hit the wall. The sudden noise and vibrations does not help the concentration of the person in the next bench a bit.

5. The Non- and mis-replacers : Those who do not replace free weights into their proper stands after usage, because they are either too tired or feel it beneath themselves. Also, those who replace the weights but are not careful enough to do it properly; I once had a wobbly 50lb dumbbell fall from its perch, nearly taking out my toes. 

7. The Non-wipers: Please, and this is always a stated gym policy, wipe your sweat from benches and machines after you are done. If I wanted to exchange bodily fluids with you, I would prefer to do so through some other processes.

6. The Couples: Lately I have noticed this trends of couples working out together, which is okay as long as the concentration is on work-out. Unfortunately some tend to consider this as among their top-10 cool, couple-y things to do. Please keep your coochie-cooing outside – or rather inside, your bedroom that is.

And I haven’t even spoken of the many who use wrong techniques and distinctly wrong postures to try lift free weights beyond their capacity. While such people are not exactly irritating, when they develop back problems later in life, I hope it won’t be my tax money treating them. Also, I am not sure if I face such blots on the human landscape because I frequent an undergraduate school gym or if it is more universal. 

One could uncharitably suggest that I should take up these matters with the offenders themselves instead of ranting here. I have given the matter of such confrontations a brief thought. However, considering the rather unflattering imbalance in musculature between the relatively puny self and these other people, immense pusillanimity ensures.


[1]: Yeah – this is also a not so subtle and rather immodest way of saying that the Pondit visits the gym regularly (and tries to be most mindful of other users of the gym).


Written by BongoP'o'ndit

March 9, 2007 at 2:41 pm

Posted in Personal, Rants

9 Responses

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  1. Also, I am not sure if I face such blots on the human landscape because I frequent an undergraduate school gym or if it is more universal.
    It’s universal! I stopped using the school gym because of #1, #5 and #7. And then found out there is an even more annoying category in the private gyms – Guys who use it to find a date.
    Just imagine you are trying to beat the Setpmaster, have a nice rhythm going and an extremely beefed up guy (somebody whose head directly connects to the shoulder.. no neck) stops by to give you tips on how to build a good “bod” or worse yet, a smelly, dripping in sweat guy wants to take you for a drink (Yeah, I need alcohol after working my ass off!!!).. Jeez…
    Not mention the fact that I am naturally leary of a guy who asks me out after an entire session of working out..even I would not want to date me, then..


    March 9, 2007 at 4:16 pm

  2. In spite of the need and desire to do so, I simply haven’t been able to maintain a regular gym schedule. The univ.gym is fundoo but too far to put it in my schedule so use the apt.gym now which is fairly decent but two ppl in that tiny place is a crowd.


    March 9, 2007 at 8:33 pm

  3. Please keep your coochie-cooing outside – or rather inside, your bedroom that is.

    Why did you add the bit after “outside”?

    Your friendly neighbourhood Anti-morality Police

    Vivek Kumar

    March 9, 2007 at 9:27 pm

  4. @Sakshi: Hmm…..I guess I am not in much danger of some girl asking me out while I am in the middle of a bench press! But, most of the pvt gyms here have a bit of cheap, sleazy feel about them (The concept of living/eating healthy is hasn’t quite grasped some of the southern states yet).

    Btw, I have a strong suspicion that many(not all) of the bulged-up dudes with no neck as you mentioned, enhance themselves with steroids.

    @Pat: Yeah – the gap between desire and practice of regular gym attendance is a tough one. The best thing is to have a gym-buddy/cohort, who can shame you into going regularly.

    @Vivek: Err… it was more to do with aesthetics than any prudishness or moralizing. 🙂

    Btw, the mai-baap sarkaar seems to have different policies on different blogs…weren;t you saying something regarding overdose of sex-related posts on another blog ? 🙂


    March 10, 2007 at 2:07 pm

  5. Hi,

    It sounds to me that when you go to the gym your too busy watching and focusing on other people besides yourself. The best thing you should do is go there swicth of from your surroundings and just concentrate on what you’ve got to do then get out. Its a simple as that.

    Des Smith

    March 10, 2007 at 4:35 pm

  6. the mai-baap sarkaar seems to have different policies on different blogs…weren;t you saying something regarding overdose of sex-related posts on another blog ?

    Heh.. so what’s new? 🙂

    Vivek Kumar

    March 11, 2007 at 12:54 am

  7. Thank you for posting this. Now I can just link to it instead of writing it all down.

    And no, I haven’t been to the gym in several months now.


    J. Alfred Prufrock

    March 15, 2007 at 10:07 am

  8. Hey. I guess I can start adding to my Gym Gyaan List then.

    Good Stuff….but I still prefer sitting at home and watching those ab selling commercials. 🙂

    Saakshi o. Juneja

    March 16, 2007 at 5:47 am

  9. […] Adding to gym peeves. Jump to Comments I am adding a further category to my previous gym peeves: […]

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