ICC introduces scheme for parity in cricket
I started writing this late last week after this incident during the first test match between India and West Indies, but was shelved as I got busy traveling. Even though it is kind of half-baked, thought I’d post it anyway.
Taking a leaf out of American professional sports, the
InconsistentInternational Cricket Council today announced a new scheme that will eventually lead to financial parity in cricket.
While the system was being implemented in a beta-testing mode for a while now, the ICC has finally come out with the official policy. At a press conference in Dubai, the President of ICC, Mr Ehsan Show-me-the Mon-i and Chief Executive Officer, Mr Malcolm Skid, announced the scheme with much fanfare. The system, they said, involves heavily fining players from the subcontinental countries unless their on-field behavior pretty much resembles straight-jacketed mental patients. "We reasoned that the sub-continent earns much more revenue from cricket than any other place in the world." said Mr. Skid, "…but it was getting bloody difficult to make them part with it". The rule was first applied on the Indian player Virender Sehwag who forgot to fill out the proper ‘application for dismissal form’ (in triplicate, signed by the captain, approved by the dressing room janitor and duly notarized) during the game.
To demonstrate how well the system works, the West Indies captain Brian Lara’s petulant behavior was completely overlooked while in another part of the globe, the Sri Lankan captain was being fined for venting frustration at himself and then apologizing for his act.
"It is also a part being more sensitive to cultures around the world. It is well known that Brian Lara is treated as god in his country. Gods have every right to snatch things from ordinary mortals. Moreover, offending religions is the last thing we want to do." said Mr Mon-i, adding that the ICC is also working on generating a list of excuses to be provided for overlooking the on-field misbehavior or dissent from opposing teams after it was observed that on the spot created excuses tend to be very lame.
Players from financially poorer countries or from countries that still consider cricket to be a colonial-era game will be exempt from the code of conduct. A complicated algorithm is being developed by Messrs. Suckworth and Lewis for defining the pecking order for fining.
Meanwhile, leaders of the governing Communist Party of India in West Bengal have applauded the initiative, calling it a good socialist move. A party spokesman has said help will provided to ICC by continuing their demands for bringing Saurav Ganguly back into the Indian team. Ganguly, it will be remembered, is a personal favorite of match referees and umpires around the world and can be fined for not saying ‘god bless you’ when someone sneezes on the field .
In other cricket news, it has been decided that Md Kaif will be provided with heavier shoes to prevent his personal imitation of a cat on a hot tin roof while fielding at short positions.